He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
