I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
