His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
