i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
