white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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