"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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