Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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