Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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