I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
