There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize