I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
