i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
