I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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