I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize