Who did Billy Mays play for?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
