big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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