Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize