I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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