My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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