My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize