I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
