My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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