grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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