When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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