DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
