my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
