the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
