got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
