The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
