my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
