Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
