I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize