the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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