my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
