My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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