Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
