Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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