your thong is hanging out like whoa
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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