He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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