You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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