So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
