Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
