What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
