I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
