Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
