He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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