I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
