Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Quick, to the slutcave!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
