he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize