nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
