I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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