Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
