My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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