Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
