I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
