Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
