He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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