just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
