i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
