Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
