you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
