My room smells like vodka and shame
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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