u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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