I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
