i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
