That's intense
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
