I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
